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David Kuo 
Picture sent in by Nick  in the New Forest when David said a shop assistant had pointed out that he resembled the legendary John Denver 



This site is inspired by listening to David's financial reports on Danny Baker's Breakfast Show on BBC London 94.9 FM from 07:15-07:30 Monday to Friday.

David Kuo's financial expertise is legendary with the BBC London's listeners although on Wednesday 15th September, fellow listener Sylvia did bring into question David's sources when she observed he was recycling stories and using The Metro as a source for his financial news.

I listen to the show every morning as I drive to work and whilst I find David very entertaining, I also suspect his financial acumen. Earlier this year David was asked to calculate the percentage increase in profit from £75m to £100m and he couldn't answer. Alarmed, I sent a 'Listener's warning' to him. Following Sylvia's observation, I thought to offer fair play between David and the listeners by documenting his financial stories

Since I'm not always able to listen, if you can help with logging this information or have comments, photos of David, please feel free to email me. Colin Hughes.

Number of yellow cards to date David: 17 yellow, 1 red, Danny: 2 yellow .


Date

Balance of TV License

Stories

30/11/04

£103

Story 1: David warned us of the criminal cashback scheme. How it works is that when you advertise a product for sale, a criminal offers you £3000 for a £300 bike. He then askes you to return to them the extra £2700.00. You cash their cheque and give them the money. Several days later the bank tells you this a fraudulant cheque and deducts the money from your account .See interesting stories 12th October story 'When is a cleared cheque not a cleared cheque'.
Story 2: Courts Furnishings went into liquidation yesterday. Everyone suggested that this was due to the fact that Brucey does not do their adverts any more. Apparently Courts was started 150 years ago when it was run by the 11 year old son of Mr Court.

David confessed to buying a solacious video in Hong Kong but it turned out to be a comedy.

Other stories of the day: House prices recover after falls
Film studios snub Sony DVD format 

29/11/04

We await Danny's adjudication on Friday's show.

Story 1: David gave us a story about a guy called Gerry who sued a restaurant because whilst a chef was cooking a prawn, the prawn flew through the air and hit him. Another example of the litigious American culture.
Story 2: A hedge fund manager has short the price of Coco Cola shares and will give the profits to people being exploited by Coco Cola. Amy confirmed that they use Coco Cola as a pesticide.
Story 3: Marks and Spencer are rumoured to be closing half their Simple Food stores because they aren't making money. Danny was disappointed that David had not started with this one.

Other stories of the day: M&S denies food store sale plan
Courts to go into administration 

26/11/04

£105
David forgot to say "Good morning Candyman" amongst all the celebrations.

Story 1: Children as young as 10 are turning into shopaholics. The National Consumer Council is very worried about this.
All other stories were suspended because of David's birthday.

Other stories of the day: House-price boom 'splits Britain'
Benefits IT chaos 'exaggerated'

25/11/04

£106

David wasn't in studio today because he said it was Thanksgiving and he wanted to total up his portfolio. Danny discovered that David had and female from 'The Dial-a-Disk service' in the call box with him.
Story 1: GlaxoSmithKline has discovered that a side effect of one of their anti-depression drugs is that people lost weight (can't find any links for this).
Story 2: DIY is not as popular as it used to be. David claimed it is only men that are not interested but David said there are a lot of heavy set lesbians in DIY stores.
Story 3: Reluctantly David gave us a third story - Ademptra has developed a system that creates a 
The nagging bank is on the line.

24/11/04

£107

Story 1 : Auction World finally goes into administration rumoured to owe £20 million..
Story 2: David reported on an American University working on a material that is self cleaning. There is also a report that
BASF, the German chemical company, is working on a spray-on coating. The candy gang all relayed their stories of splashing food over people in restaurants. Personally I don't know why they supply those small cartons of milk on planes as the cabin pressure always makes them explode.
Story 3: \the price of cheese is rocketing and the stock pile of cheese is at it's lowest since 1971. David explained how he dislikes cheese and how eating cheese turns him rancid.

Today was brilliant some topical news and funny news.

Other stories of the day: Judgment day for MyTravel plan
Dollar hits new record euro low 

Listener's feedback:

Tom SW18

We today (Wednesday) again heard a tale about David eating out, or rather 'splashing' out this time, in a restaurant. In fact, barely a day goes by when we aren't informed of yet another of David's gleeful and seemingly extravagant dining out experiences. What baffles me is that he apparently hasn't yet realised that if he dined at home more often he'd be significantly better off financially. So, David; eat in more and save pots of money. What could be more important than that?

 

 

 

23/11/04

£108
Danny gave David an extra £1.00 because he joined in with backing track

Story 1: Krispy Kream Doughnuts David checked the calendar to see if we are due a KK Doughnuts story, but give David his due this story is only 18 hours old! KK Doughnuts reported losses of $3 million and no one seems to know why. Danny admitted to dunking a whole crunchie in his tea yesterday. 
Story 2:
Chinatown - Rosewheel Ltd wants to develop the square by introducing more shops around the pagoda. David gave us the low down on Chinatown including the Chinese slang world for Westeners. 'Gylows' means 'the devil people' at which point the whole studio fell about laughing .

 

22/11/04

£110

Story 1: Kellogg Sues General Mills Over Trademark - David was talking to Danny about the fact that Kellogg is suing General Mills Over this trade mark.
Story 2:
Auction World, the TV shopping channel, has been fined £450,000. Following BBC WatchDog last week and this fine, Auction World and Chase It TV are off air whilst they implement the requirements of the recent OfCom report.

Apologies for the short report today due to malfunction of equipment.
Check out our new FANS page.

 

 

 

19/11/04

£111

Story 1: Clifton cards has just bought 'The Birthday Group'. David said that they need to watch out because WHS are trying to increase their market share. Mrs Kuo accidentally bought a anniversary card that said 'Happy anniversary to both of you'.
Story 2. American Airlines have said they are going to remove pillows from it's 334 MD-80s in an effort to save time and money. 
Story 3: David said that other search engines are catching up with
Google.

Danny managed to persuade David to contribute £120 pounds (the cost of the TV license) to children in need.

Other stories of the day: US sale boosts Waterford's profit
Knight stands down as Nike boss

 

18/11/04

£112

Story 1: David brought an example of "A Penny saved is a Penny earned" A 78-year-old Ohio (USA) man saved 1 cent pennies for 34 years. He collected 1, 407, 550 coins and has cataloged them by date and mint. His collection is reported to be the largest ever cashed in at a Coinstar machine. David estimated the value to be £7-8K, but that if he'd invested the coins instead of collecting them, the value would now be about £100K. My American colleague wonders whether the collection isn't worth more than that as a collection!
Story 2: David revisited the issue of email scams where we're asked for our financial details. Instead of the normal warning about "don't give any information", he relayed a story of how he'd mistaken a legitimate request for payment from his internet service provider as a scam. Two months later he had debt collectors on his doorstep demanding their £15!
Story 3: Dixon's gave out their routine prediction that the Christmas shopping season will "be hard." Danny thinks this is just so they can boast in January that they have had their "best Christmas ever".

Other stories of the day: BT told to open network to rivals
 Overseas executive flock to UK

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes

David had a smooth segway into the show when Danny asked him if he'd ever been stood up. David replied that he hadn't, although admiration turned to pity when Danny pointed out that he hadn't actually had many dates. Even if he had, as Mark pointed out, they would have been contractually obliged to not stand him up.

 

David's first story concerned the man in America who had the world's largest collection of one cent coins, with over a million and a half coins. The sad part was that they had all been catalogged and stored, which isn't quite as good as storing them in a huge whisky bottle. David has a piggy bank, in the shape of a Playboy bunny. In our house, we wondered where the slot for the money was.

 

Story 2) Nat West online bank has been hit by a phishing scam - where nasty people send you emails to try to get your account numbers and passwords so they can empty your accounts. See? Piggy banks are a good idea. There was shock around the land when the world's leading financial advisor admitted that he had received a visit from men with broken noses. These bailiffs had been summoned because he had ignored an emailed request from NTL for his credit card details, believing it to be a scam. David further showed his financial acumen when he revealed his password on air - "kelloggs", which he had already changed to "kelloggs1234". Hackers around London were warming their hands with eager anticipation, scanning the shelves of their local Tesco for breakfast ceareal names.

 

Story 3) Dixons have announced it's going to be a tough Christmas (as they do every year, as Mark pointed out). Most interesting was the discussion concerning the exit to the shop, which is usually past a checkout, through some scanners - basically, you have to negotiate a maze to get out of the place. Strangely, the entrance is much clearer.

 

17/11/04

£113

Story 1: Regis paid £210 million for Hair Club for Men. David actually said £110 but according to the story above they paid £210.
Story 2: According to a survey from Nationwide people do not like the fees to take money out of cash machines.
Story 3: Danny asked David for his comments on the fact that the government is only going to allow 8 major casinos. David thinks this will create unfair competition.
Story 4: David confirmed that yesterday was a bad day for the pub and cigarette companies. Perhaps this is because David has some interest in some of the tobacco companies.

David explained that he did not have any facial hair so he went out and stuck some hair on his face.

Listener's feedback:

David's first story today concerned Regis, the coiffeur (and other things besides) who have just paid #110 million for "Hair Club for Men", who make wigs. As David so rightly said, why should Regis, who cut hair, buy a company who put it back on? Never let the truth get in the way of an amusing observation, David. Danny observed that gentlemen in the Far East don't seem to have a problem with baldness, and David then reminded us that he used to stick hair onto his face, because of Chinese people's problem with growing facial hair.

Story 2, and David worries about surveys. Well, he brings us enough of them. Just about every day, one of his stories is based on some spurious research or other. Today the factually correct but newsworthiness-questionable survey tells us that nine out of 10 people in London are not happy to pay to get money out of a cashpoint machine. Well I never.

Danny interjected here, trying to wind David up, by saying that the news yesterday about the Casino Bill was "bad for business, wasn't it David?" David agreed that competition is good. David also observed that yesterday was not a good day for the cigarette companies - I can't say I'm terribly concerned. David was, though, because he has some money in them. Wise investment, oh financial guru?

 

16/11/04

£114

Story 1: Wrigley gets into the candy business Wrigley acquired Life Savers and Altoids brands from Kraft Foods Inc. David also explained how you can't chew gum and eat chocolate so Danny performed an experiment in the studio and found that there is an explosion in your month when chewing gum and eating chocolate. Kraft Foods is also trying to sell off Bird's custard. David said that Bird's custard came about because Mrs. Bird couldn't eat eggs.
Story 2: Virgin explores casino potential Richard Branson has launched an online gambling site and is looking to open a casino when the government amends the gambling laws. Danny explained how David washes his feet for good luck.

David confirmed how he's been to the largest casino in the world and he had to get a car to his table. Danny seemed to remember that this was actually a whore house!

Listener's feedback:

Paul emailed in and confirmed that if you crunch mints into chewing gum, the gum will dissolve after half a pack of mints.

 

15/11/04

£115

Story 1: Emmental cheese David explained how the French are producing more and more emmental cheese much to the annoyance of the Swiss who want to protect their brand.
Story 2: More and more people are choosing the credit cards because of their colour/style rather than the interest rate. Balam confirmed that he has a clear credit card Danny thought it was a small window.

Other stories of the day: Eurostar turns 10, still sees red
Banks could refuse fraud refunds

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes

Before David started today, Danny gave him the opportunity to live dangerously, and to deliberately not say "Good Morning" (and therefore catapult him back up to the full licence fee, since he was almost there anyway). David refused, saying "a pound's a pound". Sound financial advice there, David (for once).

Story 1) concerned the Swiss. Where does Emmental cheese come from? Well, from Switzerland, of course, but most is produced in France. The Swiss are getting hot under the collar about this (creating a stink, David said, which was studiously ignored by everyone in the studio). Danny asked what were they going to do about it - send over one of those knives? David's take was that since it was called Emmental, it should come from the Emme valley. This case is similar to Champagne (not that Champagne comes from the Emme valley). Danny said that if you buy a Bakewell tart, you expect it to be made by Joan Bakewell. 'Nuff said.

Story 2) How do you choose your credit card? Howls of protest from Danny, and the cards were at the ready, but David rescued it by saying that research states that most people choose their credit card by the colour, and not the interest rates. Much agreement in the studio, but the Gerald from Goodmayes house was rocked to its foundations when David announced that he had been offered a credit card the other day, and he asked "what colour?"

Balam had a see-through credit card. Well, he would.

 

12/11/04

£116

Story 1: The average age of first time fathers will rise from 31 to 40 by 2065. David advised men to relax and stop worrying about the finances. The sooner you have children the sooner they will be able to go out to work.
Story 2: Online shopping has taken a great leap forward - 9 out of 10 people who have access to the internet have made an online purchase.
Story 3: Oceans Resources has found a sunken ship in the
Mediterranean with $2.5 million worth of metals on board. It will cost them $500,000 to recover this.

Other stories of the day: Criminals 'joining finance firms'
'Health warning' for credit card 

Danny relayed details of a Chinese quack who gives you a reading on eBay, if you can find this link please email me.

 

11/11/04

£117

Story 1: Churchill insurance company has been talking to Santa to find out what children want for Xmas: 1. Books, 2. Computer games, 3. Board games 4. Money. Apparently 1.6 billion pounds worth of presents are on the way.
Story 2: Investing in books -David told us the obvious. Buy first editions, make sure the jackets are kept clean, don't fold down the pages and don't write in the margins.
Story 3: Cash point fraud is on the increase. David this story is at least 5 days old . I think you got this story idea from looking at this site yesterday!

Other stories of the day: New services boosting BT profits
Microsoft seeks top search spot 

David confrimed he has a record for the show eating 56 oysters in one day.

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes

On a morning that the 94.9 Breakfast Show was compiling a list of listeners' records, David announced that he once ate 56 oysters at one sitting. More impressive was the fact that he got eight oysters seven times, and he proclaimed that "seven eights are fifty six". Bravo, David.

David's first story was regarding Churchill insurance, who have been talking to Santa, apparently, to find the top four children's Christmas presents. Of course, we knew that David would always want money, which was only 4th on the list, after books, computer games and board games. Whatever happened to an orange, a piece of coal and a shiny new penny?

The gang then discussed books, Danny revealing his fetish for the smell of books on Christmas morn, and kids' annual in particular.

David then started an extraordinary conversation, where he said that "the only good thing about books is that they can make you money". Mark's premise, that you read them and then give them to someone else cut no ice with the financial guru. David then shared his tips on keeping books in good condition (so they would be worth more). 1) Keep the dust jackets on 2) Don't write in the margins 3) Don't turn down the corners of pages. Danny got rather upset, saying that the listeners would know these things, and that David wasn't to treat them like hayseeds. Mark's sarcastic suggestion, where he suggested that owners of books shouldn't turn the pages, made me laugh heartily. Danny then told David not to act like Precious Pup. Sorry, but I think David deserves a red card for this.

Second story, and second card for repetition (only yellow this time) goes to the subject of cashpoint fraud. David's advice - "don't let people look over your shoulder". Wow! David also revealed he had a sixth sense for knowing when fraud was going to be perpetrated (huh?), and if he knew someone had committed fraud, he would grass them up. SQUEALER!
 

10/11/04

£118

David got little flack from Danny on this morning's stories because Danny was suffering a headache (shall we say hangover??) having come directly from Mel Brook's after-premier party for The Producers.
Story 1: David caught up with the writers of this web site in announcing that M&S is showing faint signs of a turnaround. See yesterday's "Other stories of the day"
Story 2: Disneyland Paris is suffering a bit because the attendance growth is flat, yet the parent company is requiring them to pay the royalty fees. This story seemed to spark Danny's muse a bit as a lively discussion ensued over whether David had ever worn 'a suit'. David couldn't remember, as he says he can't remember many things (we've given evidence of that in the site on many occasions), but thought he might have once been a Santa Claus. Amy reported that no High Street shops are having Santa grottos this year due to a lack of Santas.
Story 3: David gave us yet another way to close the gap on our non-existent pensions -- make sandwiches instead of buying them. Shops charge £5 for a product that has about 25p worth of materials, adding up to £112 million/day spent. We did find out that David's favorite sandwich is the ultra-posh peanut butter and jam!

Other stories of the day: Cash machine fraud nearly doubles
 Vodafone in 3G customer drive

Listener's feedback:

From Tom SW18

I seem to recall Kuo voicing his irritation at ready-made sandwich prices before – he obviously considers sandwich makers to be less deserving of profit than, say, pension companies. Why? Well I can only think that David resents paying for any service that he could provide for himself. If so, in addition to making his own sandwiches (with significant assistance from Mrs. Kuo I shouldn't wonder...), perhaps he'll soon start cutting his own hair, for example, and so further inflate his pension plans.

9/11/04

£119

David's stories put Danny is great form this morning! Story 1: Energy companies are finding the practice of estimating consumption difficult. Some companies provide low estimates in hopes of keeping the customer, while other estimates are highly inaccurate because to get an initial readings the serviceman must get access to unusual places, like Amy's toilet or Danny's office. Danny reminded us of the horrors of pay-as-you-go electricity meters that seemed to always run out just in the closing minutes of the most important football match of the season.
Story 2:  Farmers in the Balkans, having lost their previous livelihood of cattle ranching, have turned to raising snails. For a small sum of £4000, they can raise snails for the Serbian firm, Alimenti Naturali. My American colleague rolled in the isles as Danny broke out into song with "Give me land, lots of land...don't fence me in!", recalling memories of her pioneering, cattle-rancher ancestors. And then there was Danny's remorseful recollection of having crunched snails on the back step taking out the garbage. Visions of all the King's men trying to put Humpty Dumpty together and such.

Other stories of the day: M&S unveils major board shake-up 

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes

In a reprise of yesterday's show, the Candy Gang mentioned the possibility of charging for more substantial passengers on airplanes. David thought this was fair enough. Amy then asked if David thought it was fair for black people to sit at the back of the bus. Uproar in the studio. 

David's first (proper) story concerned the estimating of bills by energy companies. David said that they estimate too low, in order to keep your business, and to encourage people to change suppliers. My experience is that they ALWAYS over estimate, so you then have to ring them up to change it. A general discussion followed, along the lines of "where is your meter?" Amy's is above her toilet, David's is in his office, and Danny's is shame-faced about his, hidden away in a cupboard in his new kitchen.

David's second story concerned farmers in the Balkans, who are very poor. They are, apparently, moving into snail farming. Startup costs are £4,000, and you can become part of a 6 million kilo per year industry. David thought this was a good thing. I think it is a bad thing. I can't stand the slimey little creatures. So it's back to the day job for me.

A new initiative for the website today: a David Performance Factor. His performance today? 5/10 No particular gaffs, but not particularly interesting. Sorry.

08/11/04

£120

Danny caught David off guard by asking him about the new scheme to create a Gasometer Orchestra... and David forgot to say 'Good morning, Candyman'. While we think that was a bit unfair on Danny's part, David knows the rules.

 

 

Story 1: David, crushed by the lose of his TV license, tried to recover with a story about Dr. David Lewis' study on the Peter Pan complex. Danny kept pressing for a financial link, which was very apparent to this listener. Peter Pan, the perpetual boy, didn't plan for his old age either. David once again encouraged us to buck the trend and to properly invest for the future. A yellow card for Danny for not seeing the obvious. . Danny, maybe is time to re-read JM Barrie's book, but skip the Disney stuff.  
Story 2: Chubby air passengers are getting blamed for rising air travel costs. The average air traveler has gained10# over the past decade, forcing airlines to put more fuel into the planes. David, being a scientist, was able to instruct Danny on the details of fuel calculation.

Other stories of the day: BA sees profits more than double
Dollar decline gathers momentum

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes

What a momentous day! What a day to end all days! When laughter rang out across the lnd, as people glued to their wireless sets heard David Kuo zoom back up to the full icence fee.

And it was the way it happened. Not a "oops, sorry David, I forgot to say good morning". Itwas obviously premiditated, timed to occur when David was still trying to throw off the hangovers from a weekend of fun and frolics, now seemingly a long way off. The best bit was when Danny was engaging him in conversation, and then suddenly said "look, there go the phones". And still no comprehension from David. Even when Mark said "is there a time limit on this?", he failed to realise what was happening. Thousands, millions of listeners across the land knew, but David didn't. I think, at that point, he could have rescued it. He could have argued that he was hoodwinked. But no. He was oblivious. And now, oh woe is he, who is like the rest of us, is having to pay full licence fee again. Hurrah!

The first story today, not that it carried any weight after the staggering opening to the show, was about Dr. David Lewis, who says that we are all suffering from a Peter Pan complex, not believing we are as old as we are. Our role models are, apparently, Lulu, Cliff Richard, and Madonna. I don't think so. The financial tie-in was that we're not saving enough for our old age. A David Kuo stalwart of a story.

Story two - and the poor airlines are having to pay for more fuel to carry us lardy types on our hols, since we, as a nation, have put on ten pounds over the past ten years. Speak for yourself! David asserted that he can stop the petrol pump on exactly the corrct money when he puts petrol in his car. Reminds me of a "Not The Nine O'Clock News" sketch, when Griff Rhys-Jones was filling up his car, carefully stopped it on the right money, and Mel Smith, in the kiosk, used his "nudge" button to add a halfpenny to the price. There's a thing - halfpennies. Wow!

David recovered towards the end of the show, and accused Balam of being a jinx on him, and said that every time he came on the show, his money went back up. Some tension was evident in the studio after the accusation. What super fun!

05/11/04

£73

Story 1: Tate & Lyle announced figures yesterday. David said that they were doing well but when I checked Bloomberg they claim that 'Tate & Lyle First-Half Net Falls 25% on Lawsuit (Update1)'  I don't know who to believe now!
Story 1a: Danny suddenly interjected that one of the internet banks had had their security breached by allowing access without a password. What about Tate & Lyle made him think of this ??!?
Story 2: Smith and Nephew, who used to make Elastoplast and now make hip replacements, reported that  profits rose by 19%.
Story 3: David told us how Lunn Poly is disappearing from our high street (can't find any information about this story). My American colleague thinks there are too many of them!

Other stories of the day: Brown may miss target, PwC says
Cazenove 'set for JP Morgan deal'

Danny told us that he doesn't take sugar in his tea any more.

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes

Yes, I found "Odyssey" yesterday, searching for the shipwreck company story, but there was no mention of a listing on the LSM. Was Mr. Kuo being a little previous? A little insider knowledge perhaps? Ali the Footman's story about Keel Haul Kuo was the funniest thing I've read in a while.

First pun ... I mean, story, was Tate and Lyle's "sweet" numbers, on account of them having invented (yet) another sugar substitute, this time called Sucralose. It was just a shame David couldn't actually quote any of these  numbers. Well, it's not like he's a financial expert now, is it? He then made the extraordinary statement about there being a cloud of sugar in the milky way. Is he sure it's sugar, or is it Sucralose?

A quick story about internet banks and lax security therein gave Danny the chance to tell us he abhors internet banks, and that if anyone wanted to save some money, they should store it in a shoebox under the bed. Not even David would fall for this one.

Second pun of the day was missed by Danny, when David said that Smith and Nephew used to be into plasters, but they didn't stick with it (groan). Having searched the Motley Fool website yesterday, looking for this bogus "shipwreck company on the stock exchange" story, I can now see where he gets his appalling puns from. They've now moved into prosthetics.

Fact of the day from Mark - when you're cremated, all that's left is your replacement hips. Assuming you've had them done, of course.

Toodle-oo!

From Ali the Footman (May I take your hat?)

Following yesterday's story shipwreck story.

Begging your pardon, of course the actual company that old Keel Haul's descendant was talking about can be found at:

http://www.subsearesources.com/

They are eying up some old wrecks in British waters so Keith Richards had better keep out of the  sea for the time being.

04/11/04

£74

Story 1: The first shipwreck company was listed on the London Stock Market yesterday. This company raised £11 million pounds (Can anyone tell us the company name, I can't find them on the LSM).
Story 2: Someone sold a beach hut in Poole  for £100,000. David knew of a war bunker that sold for £70,000. David thinks the Bank of England will be looking at house prices when deciding on whether or not to change the exchange rate today.
Story 3: Barclays Bank research says that the best way to do shopping is on your own. Never go shopping with a woman. Never go shopping in the morning it leaves you too much time to shop, and always make a list. Danny explained how he is an impulse buyer. David says that shopping shouldn't be fun!

Other stories of the day: Garages 'letting down car owners'
UK tourism 'on road to recovery' 

David explained how he caught a lobster on a fishing line and the lobster used his claw to cut the line and ran away.

Listener's feedback:

From Ali the Footman (www.wazir.tv) "Turned out nice again Sir"

The Shipwreck Company you seek might well be Odyssey Marine Explorations.

This company was founded in 1783 by a famous pirate whose name is still, to this day, spoken in a whisper in the Bucket of Blood in Cornwall. It was none other than Keel Haul Kuo who sailed out of Shanghai on the fastest pirate ship of the day. The 'Spirit of the East'. (Arrrr Jim lad!).

Known to all along the Spanish Main as a man with an eye for a profit (his crew of cutthroats all had to pay board and lodgings) Keel Haul amassed a great fortune by 'rescuing' treasure ships bound for Spain. The crews of these treasure ships knew their days were numbered when the Spirirt of the East hove into view and fired a shot across their bows and hailed them to heave-to.   

Keel Haul always said that he was in a much better postion to look after their bullion as they would only spend it on rum.

So much of Keel Haul's treasure was buried on various tropical islands (he called them his 'investments') that Odyssey was set up to to track down the missing millions.

Will there be anything else Jim lad? Arrrrr!

http://www.framedshare.co.uk/Product.asp?shareid=6463

http://shipwreck.net/nytimes-feb232002.html

Gerald from Goodmayes

Hot off the presses this morning was the news that the Stock Exchange are going to get their first "shipwreck" (some would say Salvage) company, currently valued at #20m. Cue lots of awful "floating" and "sinking" puns. Danny called this type of company the "Steptoe and Son of the Sea", a very romantic title if ever there was one. David thought that divers still used a man turning a big wheel on the boat to provide air. Danny suspected that they may be a little more advanced than the "Abbott and Costello" image that David was enjoying.

Continuing the sea theme, David enlightened us to the fact that he once caught a lobster whilst fishing in Penang. He tried to tell us that the lobster used its claw to cut the line when he'd nearly beached it. Danny was having none of it, and quite rightly too.

David then subjected us to one of the most awful segways we've experienced. I quote: "Valuing a shipwreck company is difficult. Valuing homes is difficult too." That deserves a yellow card if anything does. The story was quite interesting, with a beach hut somewhere being valued at £100,000. Occasionally, we get these stories. We have a beach hut in Walton on the Naze, but I would hesitate to suggest it is worth anything like that extraordinary amount.

And so, on to shopping (again). David's tips: 1) go on your own, because women impulse buy more than men (Danny disagreed); 2) Go shopping just before the supermarket closed (Danny disagreed); 3) Make a list so you don't buy things you don't need (Danny disagreed, saying that would take away all the fun out of it).

And so we were left with the image of David deep sea diving, floating around on the surface with a diving suit the size of a small barrage balloon because the man pumping the air got distracted. Knitting needle to burst the balloon anyone?

Toodle-oo!

03/11/04

£75 Special dispensation from Danny

Story 1: Branston pickle - people are raiding supermarket shelves because of an anticipated shortage, due to fire in their factory. Branston pickle bottles are now appearing on eBay.
Story 2: Spam is going to be relaunched in the UK with a £2 million advertising
campaign.
Story 3: David mentioned a story about fitting a camera to a broadband network to be used as a security camera. I'm not sure where David got this story from but these cameras have been available for years
.

Other stories of the day: US election pushes markets higher
Peers to debate home-seller packs 

Listener's feedback:
 

Gerald from Goodmayes

Danny's intro, comparing David to Fozzy bear, had me in stitches. Very funny!

I was concerned to hear that David wasn't paying too much attention to the US elections. I would have thought that it would have a major effect on global finances. Or is it that David thinks that they're both as bad as each other?

Branston Pickle raises it's smelly head again. It seems that the widely-reported fire at their factory last week has caused panic buying in the supermarkets, with Mrs. Kuo being at the forefront, telling David to not tell the good people of London until she'd had time to stock up. I'm sure there will be a link here to ebay, where there's several jars up for auction, one of which has reached #52. I despair for the future of this world sometimes.

SPAM is being relaunched in the UK. Either SPiced hAM, or Spiced Prok And Meat, apparently sales have been growing at 10% a year? This will no doubt improve, after David's statement that it's "very delicious". Watch out for Mrs. Kuo at the supermarket, and the auctions on Ebay soon.

The supposedly serious story (?) concerned the Americans coming up with a camera that you can plug into your broadband connection to look at your house whilst you're away. David's only thought was security, but Danny's (and just about everyone else in the area) starting thinking of, ahem, other uses for a (hidden?) security camera, plugged into the internet. I think David should give us the IP address for his house camera, so we can all check his house for him. All part of the service, David!

 

02/11/04

£83

Danny nearly caught David out today but David was on the ball and said 'Good morning, Candy man.'
Story 1: David can't believe there are shallow homeowners who paint over damp patches in order to sell their house, rather than incur the expense of fixing the problem properly. David had an burn mark on the carpet that he'd covered up with a settee and forgot about it. Danny nearly levied David's license fee because of this story was so weak
.
Story 2: EasyJet - Serious has just launched Easy4Man and EasyCriuse. He's building a cruise liner in Singapore not far from Sarawak. Apparently on these boats you will have to clean your own room. I'm booking a trip today!!!

Other stories of the day: Business giant Lord Hanson dies
Markets tense over close US poll 

David's quote for the day 'On an incoming tide, all boats will rise'.

Listener's feedback:
 

Gerald from Goodmayes

Back from my holidays yesterday, but everything that David said just washed over me. I concentrated harder today.

Having successfully negotiated Danny's not-so-subtle attempt to hoik up David's licence fee, he brought us a story about homeowners making false economies when they are trying to sell their house. They are papering over the cracks, sweeping rubbish under the stairs, and David told us that he "accidentally" moved a settee over an iron-damaged carpet. So clearly this was an attempt by David to absolve himself of his guilt.

Quite rightly, Danny asked what this had to do with finance. the answer was - very little. Danny then said that any more non-stories like this, and he would raise David's licence fee. I think that his fan site should award him a yellow card in recognition of the extraordinary lengths David will go to to avoid telling us anything useful.

The second story was much better, when David told us that Stelios's Easy-everything group of companies is moving into the cruise ship business, and that a ship is being refurbished in Singapore, in the striking EasyCruise orange livery. Danny really fancies the idea of going to sea in a bright orange boat, but wondered if it was going to be Easy Bankruptcy next. David admires Stelios.

Toodle-oo! It's good to be back!

01/11/04

£84

Story 1: Sainsbury's take over by Allan Leighton David mentioned Allan has been clearing his desk, but David's not sure he will be able to find the money required.
Story 2: Mortgage protection, new laws start today to protect people taking out a new mortgage (see other stories Friday) .
Story 3: What will add extra value to your house - extra space.
Story 4: Credit card companies are suffering from all the interest free credit cards which may mean these type of deals may stop..

Other stories of the day: Main post offices could be axed
Jobs to go in Eurotunnel rescue 

David confirmed that he rubs coconut oil over his body as a sun tan lotion but the only problem is that it attracts wasps and bees.

David's Blog

Listen to Danny's last show, if you missed it.

David Kuo

Click for more pictures.

David Kuo is still going to be doing his slot and we will continue to keep you updated.

David is now working with Joanne Good.

As well as doing his regular spot on the breakfast show David also writes a daily column for the Motley Fool web site.

BBC London's Breakfast Show Christmas Panto
Listen to David playing a Guss.
 Well panto is the best time of the year and with loud ,unsubtle, over the top performers such as Jo Good and Baylen its inevitable they drag the breakfast show down to their level. Cinderella (Jo says the best panto story due to the youthful age of Cinderella who Jo could still play given the right light) was the production to be heard on Boxing Day.

audio Christmas Panto: Cinderella >
Audio links on this page require Realplayer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

David has admitted to going out late at night and driving his car on the right hand side of the road, in readiness for a driving trip to the USA!
David confessed to having a Bugs Bunny tie, but Mrs Kuo wont let him wear it.

 

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