David Kuo - Home PageDavid Kuo - Listen to DavidDavid Kuo - At the BBCDavid Kuo - Motley FoolDavid Kuo - David's Hot TipsDavid Kuo - David's FansDavid Kuo - Interesting StoriesDavid Kuo - Contact David

 



David Kuo 
Picture sent in by Nick  in the New Forest when David said a shop assistant had pointed out that he resembled the legendary John Denver 



This site is inspired by listening to David's financial reports on Danny Baker's Breakfast Show on BBC London 94.9 FM from 07:15-07:30 Monday to Friday.

David Kuo's financial expertise is legendary with the BBC London's listeners although on Wednesday 15th September, fellow listener Sylvia did bring into question David's sources when she observed he was recycling stories and using The Metro as a source for his financial news.

I listen to the show every morning as I drive to work and whilst I find David very entertaining, I also suspect his financial acumen. Earlier this year David was asked to calculate the percentage increase in profit from £75m to £100m and he couldn't answer. Alarmed, I sent a 'Listener's warning' to him. Following Sylvia's observation, I thought to offer fair play between David and the listeners by documenting his financial stories

Since I'm not always able to listen, if you can help with logging this information or have comments, photos of David, please feel free to email me. Colin Hughes.

Number of yellow cards to date David: 17 yellow, 1 red, Danny: 2 yellow .

Date

Balance of TV License

Stories

29/10/04

£85
David said 'Good morning Danny' and not 'Good morning Candy man', but Danny said that was OK.

David explained how his fortune teller said that he would be rich by the time he was 50. David has a manuscript on the wall from his fortuneteller that he follows.
Story 1: In following yesterday's story about how the Chinese view money, David discussed money superstitions. He found someone (later found to be his wife) in his back garden showing a five pence piece to the new moon. Apparently if you show a new five pence to a new moon it will grow with the moon. Other money superstitions - The tooth fairy, money spiders, the money bee, wishing wells, the money fountain, Christmas pudding, glux penny. David's point in all of this is that people don't understand money
.
Story 2: Dreamworks went public 2 days ago. Danny believes they will do well as their shares jumped from $28 to $40. David favorite carton character is Warner Bros.' Bugs Bunny .

Other stories of the day: Jessops cuts price of share offer
Mortgage rules set for overhaul

Danny tossed a coin to see if David was lucky today and David got it right with heads.

Listener's feedback:

From Gary
Have you noticed that one of the major cities in Sarawak is called Kerchin? It's the exact sound that emanates from the radio every time David says "Good morning Candyman". I'm sure this is no coincidence.

Also I think you will find that David advocates building tyre factories in the New Forest (as long as it can turn a profit).

Thanks

28/10/04

£86

Danny asked for David's comments on yesterday's anti-corporation guest, Jennifer Abbot. David hesitatingly agreed that he supports corporations, even when they do radical things such as creating a new forest.
Story 1: Several days ago, David was asked, "How do the Chinese think of money?" Today he responds with the following rhyme (to which Danny tried several times to fit with an appropriate musical backdrop...better luck next time Danny!):
In time, a rope may saw through a tree
In time, dripping water wears away a stone
A coin a day in a 1,000 days makes a 1,000 coins.
(and inside 3 years, you'll have a tenner) David said this meant we should take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself, even if small or radical, and to be patient for the results.
Story 2:Of commercial importance in the war of soap suds, David reported that Proctor & Gamble, and UniLever both reported results yesterday. P&G was up, UniLever down. Danny is convinced that UniLever is down because their product packaging is beyond comprehension...like refillable sachets that require a funnel to reuse (David has one in hand) or liquid soap packets that dissolve in the carry bag on the way home.

Other stories of the day: UK housing prices fall
TUC wants minimum wage hike

27/10/04

£87 (Danny says £86)

Story 1: This morning David gave us some advise on how to start a business from home. During his research David discovered that some very well known businesses started from the kitchen table like Playboy and Laura Ashley. Danny added Virgin to the list (David how come you didn't now about this one??). Apparently the first thing you need is a home and kitchen table. David recommended that you not start an oil drilling business but rather something like Gardening or Pet Grooming. Danny suggested opening a cash machine through your letterbox. Amy confirmed that a lot of people now start a business on the Internet website, Ebay, as it is a great way to start. The candy gang all chipped in the crazy things they have seen sold there such as crafts, twig pencils and fudge..
Story 2. Credit card bosses got a dressing down yesterday by Parliament. David recommends that you check all your credit   vouchers against the statement and then shred them.

Other stories of the day: Apple unveils photo-display iPod
Employers 'fail to stop bullying'  

26/10/04

£88

Story 1: Hill Station Ice cream floated on the stock market yesterday. T hey supply luxury ice cream to supermarkets like Waitrose, Sainsbury, Somerfield and Tesco. David popped into his local Waitrose last night but couldn't find any. Danny says that he tells children they feed cows with mango so they can make mango ice cream.
Story 2: Tesco's are now offering a
free taxi service to anyone in zone 1 or 2 who makes a purchase from one of their stores. Small draw back is that there are only 20 taxis for the whole of London.
Story 3: David confessed that his last story was a little boring - people are not to pay their bills, not because they don't have the money but because they feel the money is better kept in their account.

Other stories of the day: 'Strong global demand' boosts BP
Leighton steps down at Lastminute 

David confessed to getting his hand slapped when he tested some what he thought was a demonstration loaf in Selfridges, another classic from David.

Listener's feedback:

From Ali the Footman..... www.wazir.tv ..... Breakfast is served..

Although it is nice to have Dan back it was also very pleasing to hear David talk uninterrupted on matters financial. I thought that Terry Alderton did a great job and it was nice to hear him on the radio again. I haven't seen or heard of him since his stint as the teacher Mr Hedges in the comedy classic 'Please Sir'. (I wonder what became of Sharon - Could we have her in to do traffic and travel?)

On financial matters I will be listening for David to drop a hint about a firm of acupuncturists opening up in the UK to help combat the Nations' weight problem. Why? Well, China has a population that is becoming as obese as the Yanks and Brits. The treaments in China consist of herbal remedies and acupuncture - and it works!  Through acupuncture you can have your appetitie controlled so that you don't feel hungry.

Brilliant! Watch out for this one if Mr Kuo gives the nod.

Will there be anything else, Sir?

25/10/04

£89

Story 1: Barclays is hiring supermarket managers to give their branches the look and feel of a supermarket. Danny would like to see shopping trolleys outside so people would think they have lots of money inside.  David thought a 'Fresh Loan'  and 'Wear your own money' counters would go down well. David also suggested that loyalty cards would be good... he even confessed to buying lots of bottles of wine (though he doesn't drink) just to use his loyalty card.
Story 2: Britain's roads are clogged up with vans returning goods to internet companies. Poor David! He didn't even get to discuss this story for Mark and Danny just seemed to take over the conversation. Mark relayed a story of how he was going for an interview at the BBC but had no money. He went into Argos and purchased a tape recorder and then went into M&S to purchase a suit. After the interview, he returned everything. Then Danny added his story about going to the Sony awards and decided to go in something a little different. He hired a wine coloured cummerbund, but when he got home and opened the bag, he found he had a chicken suit!!
Story 3: Eliot Spitzer, New York Attorney General, wants to know how songs get on to a radio station play list. Danny suggested cocaine and whores were used in the old days. Spitzer has asked EMI, Time Warner and Universal to send him copies of their contracts with the stations.

Danny thanked David for being an angel for the musical 'Oscar Wilde' which sadly closed after one day.
David confessed that the last single he bought was 'Chirpy Chirpy Cheap Cheap'.

Other stories of the day: Manchester Utd drop Glazer talks
Oil prices at high on Norway fear

22/10/04

£90
Suspended until Danny returns from holiday.

Story 1: Allied Domecq, who own Beefeater Gin, Dunkin Donuts, Baskin Robins Ice Cream and Scottish and Newcastle came out with results this week. David says that he doesn't drink but he goes down to the pub on a Friday and just pretends to be drunk. David says the drink industry is doing well.
Story 2: Lego, is losing money. Kjeld Kirk Kristansen the boss of Lego has made 1000 people redundant and has even fired himself. The problem is that the bricks are made so well that they last forever.
Story 3: Manchester United -- The Good the Bad and The Ugly - Fans - Malcolm Glazer , John Magnier and J.P. McManus  and now the Japanese investment bank Nomura are exploring ways of blocking a takeover of Manchester United (Sorry David found this on Reuters).

 

 

Other stories of the day: Google profits leap on ad sales
Egg agrees £96m French disposal  

 

 

Listener's feedback:

21/10/04

£90
Suspended until Danny returns from holiday.

Story 1: Because gas and electricity prices are staying high, David gave us some tips on saving money around the house. In the Kuo household they are eating lots of carrots so they can see in the dark! David also suggests you fit timers on all your electrical equipment. The inside of David's house must be like a block of flats were you have press the light switch before you go up the stairs!! Terry insulated his house by filing all the gaps around his windows. Other suggestions were to turn down your thermostats and buy a bike.
Story 2: Philips are now selling defibrillators for the home because their other sales are not doing well. I think most people would have a heart attach when they know the defibrillators costs £800.  (If you have a defibrillators in your house please email me)
Story 3: Soaring price of sausage meat - 
Gregg's, the high street bakers, came out with their figures yesterday. Despite the price of sausage meat, sales of sausage rolls are doing really well.

 

 

Other stories of the day: Glenmorangie bought for £300m
Bob the Builder to retake America 

 

 

David said that he doesn't know to much about art so he doesn't invest in it.

 

 

Listener's feedback:
Gerald from Goodmayes

This morning, David regaled us with his usual hot-potch of vaguely financial news. Amongst the many discussions and conversations were:

1) How to save money - don't spend so much on energy. Energy-saving bulbs are the name of the game, apparently. All well and good. But putting timers on all things electric, so they turn off when you've finished with them? Even unto the little red light on a television? I have done a quick calculation. It costs approximately 10p to run the

little red standby light on your television for 40 days. To recoup the cost of a #10 timer you would need to leave the television on standby for 100 X 40 = 4000 days. Approximately 12 years. Good payback time?

2) Philips are now marketing personal defibrilators. "A good idea" says David. I dread to think. "Defibs are not cash-sensitive - you might not buy a television, but you might buy a defibrilator." Err ... no.

3) The price of sausage meat is soaring. Fortunately, Greigs say that their sales of sausage rolls are not affected. This sounds like a spoof news item on a comedy show. David suggests that sausage meat manufacturers deliver their sausage meat by bike, thus not only reducing costs, but also saving energy. Nicely rounded off.

Laugh of the day: when Mark said "So, David, enough of the energy-saving tips, have you got any financial news?" I think we all know the answer to that one.

 

20/10/04

£90
Suspended until Danny returns from holiday.

Story1: David Saidel was fined $500 for eating an orange in the Chicago Board of Trade Trading Pit. The only information I can find out about this is dated 14th October, and other than the fact that this guy is a trader I'm struggling to get  the financial aspect of this story.
Story 2: An average basket of food purchased in Sainsbury's costs £41.64, Tesco £41.06 and in ADSA £39.90. Mark made the comment that in Sainsbury you could only purchase £25.00 worth because they rarely have what he wants. I tried to validate this story but could find anything if you can, please
email us.
Story3: Identity fraud is becoming an increasing problem. Do you know it's not illegal to pretend to be someone else? It's only illegal if you use it to commit a crime.

 

 

David confirmed that his drawer contains playing cards and spectacals. He also keeps all the cards he collects form restaurants in card index box filed under restaurant name (difficult when you are looking for a Indian restaurant.

 

 

Other stories of the day: Coke opens fridge door to rivals
 
New phones boost for Motorola  

 

 

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes.

"Have you ever been fined for something?" Thus started today's episode. Seems like a man got fined for eating an orange on the trading floor of the Singapore stock exchange. It also seems that he was a bomb trader (that's what it sounded like to me, anyway), which isn't a thing he should be publicising, I think. In the end, the stock exchange then allowed eating on the floor. Moral of the story - companies have to adapt to changing circumstances.

A quick round up of how much a basket of goods costs in each supermarket shows us that from Sainsbury's to Asda, you save 74p on about 40 quids-worth of shopping. Moral of the story - savings aren't as good as people think. They are for Terry Alderton, though, who says he will drive further to Asda to get the savings. I prefer Aldi, which is cheaper still.

Insights into the private hell which is David Kuo's personal life: his favourite film (why does everyone call it a movie?) is Apollo 13, which is his " feel good" film, although I would have thought he would have baulked at the HUGE expenditure in getting a man into space. Worse that, in his junk drawer at home, he has no takeaway menus (unlike the whole of the rest of the country). He files them in a card index! However, Mark opened up a potentially sore wound when he asked David if he files them under restaurant name, or food type. David's usual confidence was clearly shaken, when he realised that his takeaway filing system may not be as efficient as he originally thought. I can see the rest of the day filled with anguish for David, as he wrestles with the thorny financial problems of the world, whilst wondering whether to change his filing system.

Toodle-oo!

19/10/04

£90
Suspended until Danny returns from holiday.

Story 1: Saving money.  David said that the reason people can't save money is because they enjoy spending it. Amy made the observations that whilst women buy make-up and dresses, men buy more substantial items like cars and TVs. David gave us some tips on how you can stop yourself from spending money:

  •  Hide money away. David confessed to once hiding money away in an account and then he couldn't find it. Sounds like David has a lot of accounts.
  • Learn to love money and not the spending of it. 'The king was in the parlor counting out his money'. Terry wanted to know what is the point of hoarding money and David didn't really know. What the old adage about saving for a rainy day???
  • Know the rule of 72 -  This is how long it takes to double your money. Take whatever interest you get on your saving account and divide the interest rate in to 72. For example, at 5% interest, it takes 14 years.  72/5=14.4

Story 2: Did you notice last month when you where traveling round London how lots of shop owners where leaning in the their brooms? This is because not as many people are spending money in the shops as compared with last year and there are not a lot of US citizens are coming to UK because of the exchange rate.
Story 3: What gets David's goat? Waiters hanging around the table waiting for their tip. David says the restaurant adds a service charge to cover the tip, and if the service does not meet up yo your requirement is to ask for this money back.
Story 4: Credit cards are going to get a grilling today because MP's are not happy with the rates they charge.
Story 5: Glazer increases his stake in Manchester United - to be continued tomorrow.

 

 

Other stories of the day: Sainsbury's heads back to basics

 

 

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes.

I'm sure the groans in our house were replicated across the land when David started this morning with the statement "why do you think it is so difficult to save?" And the answer is (all together now) "BECAUSE WE SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY." I think that within 10 seconds David should get at least a yellow card for that oft-repeated story.

Apparently it's all due to the effect it has on our limbic system, which makes us like spending. David's recommendations (apart from not spending any money)? 1) Hide it by squirreling it away in bank accounts. Don't forget where it is, though, like David did. 2) Learn to love money. Okay, David. And the result of all this puréeing away and thriftiness? "You'll have lots of money." And for what purpose, David? "I dunno really. But it must be good to have lots of money." David obviously has had his limbic system surgically removed when he was a toddler.

There was another story about Londoners spending less last year. Okay.

Then there was another story about there being fewer Americans in London due to weak dollar / pound exchange rate.

He tried to get into the rest of the show's stories (slow financial news day, David?) by saying that waiters get his goat. Another yellow card. We know this. They hang around, waiting to see what size of tip you're going to give them. It's discretionary, and sometimes included in the bill, and we were all amused to hear that David actually has asked for the service charge to be removed from the bill because of bad service. Does this mean we can we ask for some money off our licence fee because of bad presenters on our favourite radio programmes?

Credit card companies are going to get a grilling over interest rates. Hurrah!

The final story (and just about the only topical news story of the day) was that Malcolm Glazer had raised his stake in Manchester United to nearly 28%. Wasn't he the tall dark one in Starsky and Hutch?

Pip pip.

18/10/04

£90
Suspended until Danny returns from holiday.

Today was a bit of a strange day. David was asked what  he tells his children about 'how do you become a millionaire?'  David tells them to invest in the stock market. This is a bit of a strange answer, because over the past few years my investment in the stock market has been a total disaster!! Maybe I'm just a bad investor.
Story 1: Who do you think falls for the greatest scams? Apparently professional middle aged men who are finically astute! David told us to check the film 'The Boiler Room' which is all about scams.
Story 2: Nuisance phone calls. David told us about a web site where you can register to stop nuisance calls--
 http://tpsonline.org.uk/tps/. David however enjoys these types of calls as it seems he doesn't have too many friends and enjoys chatting to these sales people!
Story 3: David told us about offices and shops that now add perfumes to their air systems as a marketing tool.

 

 

Other stories of the day: 3G phones are taking off, but will we want them for Christmas?
Halifax and Abbey battle for savers 

 

 

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes

Oh, Danny, where are you? DB is apparently ill, so they had someone else in. Couldn't catch his name. Tony Alderton or something? But I thought "Oh, no", since David loses his head a little when Danny's not around to keep him in check.

I don't think there were any real stories today - just lots of entertaining, but seemingly irrelevant chat.

Topic one - nuisance phone calls. We all get them, and they're a right pain, but David likes them. "Why would anyone want to do that?" he said, when they talked about contacting the telephone preference service to get your phone number removed. "If you've got nothing better to do, you might want to talk to someone." David likes talking to anyone who has the misfortune to phone him up. He even talks to those automated services that call. I always knew he was strange.

Topic two - odours. Companies are using special odours to waft into their stores to entice customers into feeling good and buying stuff. David told us that there is a museum in Sweden (apparently THE museum in Sweden) are using a special mummy scent, which costs £200 a litre. So there you go. Oh, and we have 14 million olfactory receptors in our noses. Thanks for that, David.

Any financial news? No? Okay, maybe tomorrow.

15/10/04

£90

Story 1 David gave us some advise on credit cards.  There are 64 million cards in circulation in the UK. David has 4, which are an  Access (Is David using an out of date card? See Tom's feed back below), Barclay, Hong Bank Visa (Danny questioned this card "is this a shaky bank that David has set up") and a Virgin card. David explained how to use your credit cards properly. He advised us to find out the billing date for each card and to time our purchases so that we have as long to pay back as possible before interest is charged. Mrs Kuo has all the credit card dates in her head. Danny suggested that this story was a little dry.
Story 2: BodyShop. They had some figures out yesterday. They employ a bee keeper out in Zambia to look after their bees. BodyShop is also expanding into China. Danny said if everyone washed their hair at the same time in China there would be a earth quake in San Francisco.
Story 3: Shares in Cadbury's Schweppes shares went up yesterday. David discovered that the number one food is chocolate but he didn't find this all that interesting. What he did find interesting was that we eat lots of different breads. He has just now discovered that we buy lots of dill, tomato, mozzarella and olives bread. He should come visit the freezer at my office!

David told us about a wasp nest in his attic.

Other stories of the day: Man United shares drop amid reports that takeover talks collapsed
Sony Ericcsson sees profits triple

Listener's feedback:

From Gary

This morning revelations about the Zambian economy and it's dependance upon Bees was huge news to me, so I went to the BBC website to check. It would seem that the Bee based economy is news to the BBC also who seem convinced that Zambia is somewhat reliant upon traditional exports such as Copper, Minerals and Tobacco. Is this a smokescreen? Is Zambia really a hot bed of elicit honey trading? What role is David Kuo playing in this trade? Could it be that Zambian honey is being exported via a shady oriental middle man known to sport a TH and sit upon SC's in the Sarawak region. We should be told.

I shall investigate further

Frm Tom SW18
Another gem this morning: when Danny asks David what credit cards he has the first one he lists is Access. Funny, I though Access cards were phased out years ago. I know mine was.

Gerald from Goodmayes

The first story today was described as "dry" (i.e. no sparkle), and concerned credit cards. David's advice - check your billing date. This report is dry too.

The second story concerned BodyShop (4 mentions on the "product placement index"), and the fact they use bee farmers in Zambia to provide their honey. Astonishing was that David thought this was a "good idea", and was "good for the Zambian economy". Is David not well? Supporting fair trade?

Third story - Cadbury Schweppes (only 1 mention on the "product placement index", although Danny got "Roses" in later). Doing well - as opposed to David, who is clearly not well. Fair Trade and a story of a company doing well? Giddy Friday indeed.

Anyway, apparently when we (the great British public) get fed up, we spend £1 billion CASH  to make us feel better, mostly on chocolate. Item 2 on the list of "feel good foods" is breads, apparently. David got quite excited, talking about speciality breads with sun dried tomato in them.

Centre point of the whole piece was when Danny flippantly asked David if he'd appeared in any children's shows. "No", came the answer, "but I've done some amateur magician work". This was news to everyone in the studio and, I suspect, will be revisited in the near future.

Pip pip!

14/10/04

£91

Today was a classic! Danny asked David for his comments on the W H Smith story 'High Street Time Bomb' story from Radio 5, and he was unprepared. He got his calculations wrong and most of the stories were about USA companies. He saved face once again by being very entertaining.
Danny found out that Boots in the Greenwich peninsula does not do prescriptions!
Story 1
L A Fitness David claims that fitness is more interesting to the mass market. (I ask, do more people workout than buy a newspaper, David?). According to L A Fitness, membership is up by a 20% from 160,000 to 200,000. According to Mark and every other financial advisor, this is 25%. Yet another yellow card.
Story 2: McDonalds is doing well; in the US maybe David, but not in the UK. According to David this is all going to change (watch this space) with their new menu and new advertising campaign.
Story 3
Sonic Restaurants  is a company which no one seems to have heard of, although my American colleague can vouch they do exist. Apparently they are a drive-in restaurant and they are doing exceeding well in the US. Interestingly, the web site listed in all of the US financial web sites as www.sonicdrivin.com gets an error 'Page not found'. Is this the sign of a company doing well? Danny virtually gave David a yellow card for this story.

 

 

Other stories of the day:  Apple profits jump on iPod demand
Abbey a step closer to takeover

 

 

David confirmed that he works out in a wardrobe and he does not equate his slight cubbyness to McDonalds.

 

 

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes

Pleased as I was by my text being read out in such a dramatic fashion by Danny - David managed an astounding 28 "sort of"s today, which made it a record, I think, and prompted the excited text to the show - I have since been wracked with guilt over this, and hereby announce that I shall not be taking the mickey out  of David's speaking again. And if I do, it shall be for my own amusement only.

Similarly, I think the "DK of the Day" may have to be iced too. Having enlisted the help of

friends and family, suggestions petered out, apart from one helpful person who offered "that financial bloke on Radio London - what's his name? David something?"

On to the product placement section - I mean, David's stories. Doom and gloom time at W.H. Smith, where things don't look to bright. Especially after David said that "not many people go to W.H. Smith". Well, I do. Try as I might, I couldn't get the connection between WHS and health clubs. Do they sell magazines and books in health clubs? My

imagination ran wild when David re-told the story about exercising in his wardrobe. Maybe Mrs. Kuo stopped the exercising off the top of it?

David announced that attendance at the L.A. Fitness health clubs was up by 20% - and had gone up from 160,000 to 200,000. Then he proudly announced that he "could do his figures". Mark gently suggested that his figures were wrong, and that attendance had actually gone up by 25%, to which David quickly replied "well, I said about 160,000!" Yes, David. 

McDonalds (I think we should start counting the times he mentions the subjects of his story) are not doing particularly well. A "slightly chubby" David informed us that people have been "mistakenly associating them with obesity". Is it really a mistake David? Super healthy food all the way for McDonald's then? They are now selling salads and deli goods, although Danny wondered whether we should actually eschew the local delicatessen for the Golden Arches (which, apparently, are due to be replaced with a golden question mark).

David was excited to tell us about a new innovation in the USA which is inexorably heading our way - that of having a drive-in restaurant, where you placed your food order, then drove your car into a car park, and a waiter / waitress would bring your food to you. Astounding! Next thing you know, those clever Americans will be showing films whilst you wait!

Pip pip!

13/10/04

£92

Story 1: Investing in space - David confirmed how 'Outer space is now a marketplace ' for those who have lots of money. David also explained how he has astral planed. Danny suggested they try this in the studio but the experiment was less than successful, David said it should be successful simply because of the number of people who like Star Trek (see story below from Tom)..
Story 2: Following
M&S says sales fall now slowing  Amy confirmed she went shopping in MS yesterday and was impressed with the quality of the cloths (did you get anything for Danny and Mark?). Danny wanted a moratorium on MS stories as they are self destroying.
Story 3: About Pensions was halted by Danny and some great music.

Other stories of the day: DreamWorks could raise $725m
Boy's eBay con nets £45,000

Today Danny had Nick Mason of Pink Floyd as a guest. He relayed the story about when he went to his bank manager to get a loan for a house. The bank manger asked him what he was offering as security and Nick replied, "Well, Dark Side of the Moon is #1 in the US charts." The bank manager said, "Well I'm looking for something a little more secure."  Doesn't that say it all?!!!

 

 

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes

Today, we were privileged to hear David and Amy engaging in the new parlour game "Pun-Along-A-David", where to try to think of as many bad puns as possible to accompany David's stories. Amy won this one.

 

During the space travel for holidays story, David suggested that #500 million was "not a lot of money". And then he enlightened us with the fact that we'd all be travelling around in space "some time in the future". Such insight! Glad we've got David fast-tracking us with all the inside information.

The second story, about M & S's poor results was pretty boring, with Danny forecasting that Marks and Sparks would be going down the pan at this rate.

The third story, which mercifully Danny interrupted with some lovely music, was about pensions. As soon as the "P" word was mentioned, Danny groaned, along with several million other Londonders. Mark pointed out that this was, as usual, yesterday's story.

Sylvia (Old Woman of Croydon)

As a tribute to 'Gerald from Goodmayes' I have started listening out for the "sort of" utterings from Dr. Kuo.  Today I counted 10.  No's 8 & 9 being very close together and in the same sentence.

It was interesting to hear Dr. Kuo recommending we invest in future 'space holidays' - bearing in mind you may not see any return for your investment during your lifetime.  Is this the advice of a 'sound' financial expert? The fact that Dr. Kuo never really recommends any kind of investment to the listeners leads me to wonder why is now so keen to promote this venture.  

Dr. Kuo did say that he was a fan of Pink Floyd this morning and as such, I think the Candyman should make Dr. Kuo do a 'karoke' turn to a Pink Floyd track.

By the way, I had a look at the Great Invisible Wazir's (all hail his greatness and the rest) website (www.wazir.tv ) and I must say, it was rather funny.

From Tom Stewart SW18

Regarding Kuo's 'Space is a Marketplace' story this morning, you should mention on the site that David reckoned that a lot of people would be interested in investing in space travel because a lot of people liked watching Star Trek. Using the same logic can we suppose that people would therefore also be eager to plough their hard-earned cash into Coronation Street?

12/10/04

£93

Candy Man suffered from a tuna pizza last night.
Story 1: Today David gave us some tips for saving money on cloths. In the UK we spend £38 million pounds every year. David equated this to £1500 per household which he seems to think is a lot of money...he should come and live with my partner! The money-saving suggestion was to avoid high fashion. David admitted to having 10 year old suits and he said that no one noticed when he wore them. Amy said that she noticed! Stay with natural colours as this year's pink may stink next year. Amy said if she can't wear pink she might as well not be breathing. David said that if a man's wardrobe contained 2 jackets, 2 shirts, 2 trousers and 2 ties, he would have 16 dress combinations. I think most people only see a man's tie. So if you only have 2 ties, to me you only have 2 combinations. Amy looked round the studio and said it was a sorry site. Amy, you need to take them shopping. David's final tip was to buy end of line cloths from sales and charity shops.
Story 2: Royal Sun Alliance, David confirmed that they are moving jobs to India and unions are up in arms.

 

 

Other stories of the day:  Millions facing pensions 'misery'
M&S says sales fall now slowing
Oil prices close to record highs  

 

 

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes
After a short hiatus yesterday, I'm back to luxuriate in the Kuo ken.

DK of the day - Doctor Kildare (as trailed last week).

"Sort of" count - missed the first bit, then was so shocked at the stories, I forgot to count.

Danny was up really early after an unpleasant pizza experience, so was not on top form to counter David's ramblings. Most of his quarter-hour spot was spent expounding on sartorial elegance, or lack thereof. The basic premise is that we shouldn't be spending too much money on clothes. Well, err, thanks, David. I wouldn't have thought about that. Amy was not impressed when David suggested that we should all be wearing serviceable grey. And so he went on. And on. And on.

David's second story is almost forgotten in the mists of early morning fog - something about Royal and Sun Alliance moving jobs out to India. No problem, says David. Maybe we suggest to The Motley Fool that they move their jobs out to Azerbaijan? Would David still be in favour then?

And may I suggest a yellow card for Danny, saying that the stories were top notch, and were "one in the eye" for the website? I'll forgive him, since he's not well.

From Paul in Walthamstow

I sent an e-mail a few weeks ago asking where my real money was because my pay gets sent as electronic pulses to my bank and then I spend most of it by Switch or Maestro.

He said it did exist but didn’t explain where it was. I haven't seen loads of big lorries trundling between banks in London ferrying money around settling their accounts (or are they disguised?).

I don't think the money really exists except as electronic impulses...and I'm a bit worried that one day a giant magnet will wipe all the records from my bank and I'll be skint.

By the way, I work part-time and don't earn much so this is worrying me!!

11/10/04

£94 Today Danny noted that David has had his hair cut.
Story 1:  Monopoly world champion may not pass 'Go'. David relayed this story but I'm not sure where the fincail aspect is to this story.
Story 2: 
Bonhams in Chester autioned off one of the largest teapots for £5,875.  It stands 76 cm tall, is capable of holding some 1,024 cups of tea and needs two strong men to lift it. David struggled to find a financial link for this story. The only thing they could find was that this might have been a good investment, but Danny doubted it.
Story 3: Jessops to float on stock market. David confirmed that Jessops started as a chemist but quickly found the money was to be made in photography. Danny asked David if listeners should invest in the company but David said there wasn't enough information yet. We found more information in the BBC finacial news .

 

 

Other stories of the day: Sainsbury's predicts profits fall
Most Britons 'without a will'  

 

 

Listener's feedback:

08/10/04

£95

Story 1: Today David gave us the story of 'Swiss Monks Are Giving Up The Famed St. Bernard Rescue Dogs . David tied this into the financial news by saying that this is an example of not keeping up with technology. He said that the monks had tried to train the dogs to fly helicopters without much success, I wonder why!
Story 2: Tesco's
Internet service is not doing too well. Danny said that when he shopped in Waitrose (who is the number one Internet food provider), the checkout girls examine his basket with incredulity..
Story 3: This was going to be another playboy story, but sadly they ran out of time.

 

 

Danny and David spent most of the slot talking about spittoons. I hope not too many of you were eating your breakfast. David suggested that spittoons had been turned into teapots, but Amy said she would never have a cup of tea from one.

 

 

Today was first attempt at the loudest 'Hey'. If you joined in, in an unusual place, please let us know.

 

 

Other stories of the day: Boardroom pay rises gallop ahead
Email for children 

 

 

Listener's feedback:

Gerald from Goodmayes
DK of the day : Denny Kelley. This is someone who apparently was offering strange medication to me when I logged on this morning. Spooky, eh? And I was going to say Doctor Kildare. Maybe Monday. Thanks, Denny, but no thanks.

Sort of count : 16. David started off well, as if he was trying to take care with his monologues, but descended into his usual style when he got excited later on.

Story 1 was a light and specious story about the Saint Bernard monks who have stopped breeding Saint Bernard dogs, because people don't use them for finding people. I suspect this may have a considerable knock-on effect on the brandy industry, but David forgot to mention it. As Dan said afterwards - that story was "too twee by half".

Story 2 concerned the poor performance of Tesco online, compared to Sainsbury and Waitrose. This is no surprise - everyone who has used this type of service understands the difficulties involved. As Mark said - if you could take a virtual tour through the shop, smell the pineapples and fondle the veg, they would do much better.

The saddest news of the day was that David would have done a third story about Playboy, but he didn't have time. Well, it has been a few days since he did a Playboy story.

Have a great weekend, Colin. See you Monday!

07/10/04

£96

Danny is back today.
Story 1: David told us about
DBS Bank in Hong Kong that accidentally destroyed 83 safe deposit boxes and is only offering the owners £5000.00 for quick settlement. David got this story from News Radio 93.8 Singapore. Keep an eye on this station as it is one of David's sources.
Story 2: Was about Proctor and Gamble's DIY perfume that costs over £13,000. The only reference I can find to this story is
here. It is not dated so if anyone else has any more information, please let me know.

 

 

Other stories of the day: UK music to 'sue online pirates'
Bank set to keep UK rates on hold

 

 

David confirmed that he has a safe deposit box and that in it, amongst other things, is a tooth. David said that one day he's going to use the tooth to clone himself.

 

 

Listener's feedback:
From Roger Tichborne

It seems that Danny is back. I did detect a change in his attitude regarding David, note the rapid backdown over the license fee?

Could it be that being tortured in a darkened shed for 3 days has had the effect David desired?

Gerald from Goodmayes
Glad to hear Danny back in charge again. Here's my thoughts on today.

Welcome back to the Candyman. Normal service is resumed, and the wayward ramblings of DK, if not curtailed, then at least are under control.

Famous DKs - Doctor (Richard) Kimble - The Fugitive. Yes, I know I'm struggling.

"Sort of" count for today - around 14 (much reduced from yesterday, when Danny Kelly let David have rather too much air time).

The first story, concerning some far Eastern bank throwing away some safety deposit boxes, brought to light the fact that David also has a safety deposit box, and going to examine it really is like in the films. Stranger than that, though, is the fact (were it to be true) that David has one of his teeth in there, in addition to several other undisclosed items. This is so he can be cloned, according to the Great Man, although the disappointment was clear in his voice when Danny informed him that he couldn't clone from teeth. Finger nails are OK though, so David's bank can expect a furtive visit from him later today.

David's second story, introduced by David telling us that Proctor and Gamble make more money from perfume than nappies, and concerned DIY perfumes in Paris, was wholly forgettable. And I've duly forgotten about it.

Incidentally, in a "life imitating art" type moment (or is it "tail wagging dog"?), Danny accused David of bringing in stories which he knew would get prominent feature on the website. As if David would be a party to such self-engrandisement!

Cheers!

 

06/10/04

£97

Following a recent email from a listener we are going to start awarding  for entertainment value.

Danny Baker was still off and Danny Kelly confirmed that this morning David was wearing a silk kimono, Turkish slippers and a straw hat inherited from 4 generations.
There was some discussion about David getting his pound, a number of listeners including Silvia and Bob Surtees (see below) said that the license should be suspended until Danny returns, we will keep the log going until Danny comes back and get him to adjudicate.
David confirmed that he managed to make a cook hook in his metalwork class, Danny suggested he just needed to put a nail in the wall, he also made a shoe horn.
David also confirmed that he was able to do origami and Danny Kelly asked him to fold a paper ball while he gave the financial news.
Story 1: Chip and Pin cards - David said when people get their pin numbers they are wondering what they should do with them! Whilst in a restaurant David was asked to enter his pin number in front of all his guests, David is asking for a little etiquette, when entering pin numbers.
Story 2: Kodak said that they are going to shutter it's factory in Amersly and Harrow, 'Harrow and good bye', Mark reckoned this was a snap decision, David confirmed Kodak was suffering from the digital photography explosion. David confirmed his wife has a poster of him around the house.
Story 2: Playboy TV - David confirmed that the people behind this TV channel have started a real estate channel, Danny Kelly suggest David made up this story in one of his opium lulls. Brilliant story David took me hours to find this
one.

Other stories of the day: House prices show renewed vigour
Crude oil price stays above $50  

Listener's feedback:
From Ali the Footman - ( May I take your hat?)



Over here at The Platinum Club on
www.wazir.tv we find that the words of Kuo on the subject of pet insurance ring true. We have seen it with our own eyes.

Only the other day I was pressing the Candyman's afternoon rainbow (the one he wears 'round his shoulder when he goes amongst the great unwashed) when I noticed our cat behaving in an odd manner.

Flossy (for it was she) was crossing the road regardless of the oncoming traffic. No hurried dash - just a leisurely stroll.

The reason for this change in attitude must be that the Wazirina (Blessed be She for she is, indeed, well fit) has recently taken out pet insurance for said feline.

Kuo is right - again. Here is a grainy picture snapped with my Box Brownie.

Will that be all. Sir?

From
Roger.Tichborne

What has David done to Danny? Since Danny told him that he was getting too big for his boots & threatened to suspend his atmosphere privileges, he's not been seen. Has David sacked his warm up man and not told us or is it more sinister? Is Danny tied up in a shed with newspapers blocking out the window or even worse?

From Bob Woodford Green

Point of order, Mr. Chairman.

In the absence of The Candyman should, or should not, the Licence fee be decremented?
Is Mark/Amy/ANO his proxy?
Does a simple "Good morning" suffice?
Should it be suspended on such occasions?
If he says "Good morning Candyman" to somebody other than the Candyman, well, surely he's an idiot.

I think we should be told...

From Silvia Hello All.

With reference to the comment about Dr. Kuo's licence fee - I think the money should be frozen whilst the Candyman is away.  Most other presenters 'sitting in' do not have the authority to deduct money from 'listener' licence fees (as Danny Kelly himself stated this morning).  Therefore, even though his head is growing day by day, Dr. Kuo's fee should remain where it was when the Candyman was last in - £100.

For 'Ali the footman' at the Summer Palace of The Grand Invisible Wazir, (all hail His Greatness and the rest) here are some other famous DK's:

Don King (promoter)
Diana Krall (musician/singer/songwriter)
Diane Keaton (actress)
Danny Kelly (presenter)
Donna Karan (designer)
Danny Kay (entertainer)
Dick King (author)
Donkey Kong (video game star)

By the way, has anyone else noticed that whenever Dr. Kuo pitches a story, if anyone challenges him about any of the facts, he never stands his ground, he always backs down, or says "oh alright then".  This behaviour further confirms my belief that Dr. Kuo is 'avin a laugh.

Gerald from Goodmayes
Firstly, further to my suggestion of yesterday: Other Famous "DK" of the day - Diane Keaton.

I think we always guessed that David wasn't a practical, "hands-on" sort of guy. Our suspicions were confirmed when the team were comparing their school construction projects - Amy's ocean-going freighter was particularly impressive, although I'm sure when she first mentioned it, it was a metal toolbox. We weren't surprised that the pinnacle of David's achievements were a coat hook and a shoe horn. I'm sure they were very impressive, in their own way.

David seemed to get into a lather about chip and pin today, and the lack of "etiquette" encountered in a restaurant. It seems the waiter had the nerve to stand behind him when he was PIN-ing. Poor David. What an affront.
The story about Kodak downsizing was not new. My wife heard it yesterday on Radio 4, even adding that, according to the "other" station, Kodak were expanding as recently as 1999. This is probably not a carding offence, as we're well used to listening to yesterday's news on David's slot. Perhaps it should be renamed "David Kuo with the news you might have missed from the past week or so".

David re-frothed his lather when he announced that Playboy TV were branching out into real estate programmes. He seemed very knowledgeable about this story, although Danny K said it was made up. Probably true.

 

 

 

05/10/04

£98

Danny still off sick today.

Story 1: Well at last I fond David recycling a story from 'Wake to Money' Monday. David explained about Prudential who now are giving discounts for health insurance if you work out in a gym or don't smoke. David has this theory that if you have insurance you take more risks - his cat now takes more risks since he bought health insurance for it. Another yellowccard
Story 2:Cash machines -
Money Box yesterday signed a deal with Compass. Now that ATM's will be in restaurants it will be a lot easier to split the bill instead of arguing.
Story 3. Manchester United, this story is so old now I think it deserves a red card.
Story 4: David explained how
Saga was sold for 1.3 billion

 

Other stories of the day: Oil price climbs back above $50
M&S completes Per Una purchase

Listener's feedback:
Dan in Burgess Hill called in and reminded the candy team that they don't have to say ATM Machine or PIN number since the M stands for Machine and N stands for pin.

From Gerald Goodmayes

This morning, when David said he'd spent yesterday looking at the insurance industry, I groaned. My feelings of trepidation were confirmed, when David asserted that when people have insurance they take risks. Obviously the story about pets taking greater risks when their owners have insurance was bunkum, but the news that I'm taking more risks because, in David's words, "if you die, it doesn't matter".

Obviously, David was happy for ATM owners to charge for allowing people to have access to their own funds, especially in restaurants. "There's no such thing as a free lunch", quoth David, getting in one of his infamous plays on words. Talking about restaurants, and quick straw poll around the table revealed that everyone actually paid more when restaurant bills were being split, to avoid possible arguments. Danny Kelly, for it was he, standing in for the BakerMeister, told us that average tips had gone up to 45%. David, of course, was totally against this notion. Since he doesn't drink, he dislikes paying more than his fair share (i.e. a portion of other people's drinks bill). Danny's question "David, are you mean?" was met with a stoical "no, I'm fair". Yes.

Oh, by the way, superfluous appendices, e.g. ATM machine (the "M" is machine), PIN number, can be supplemented by LCD display, since LCD is Liquid Crystal Display. For what it's worth.

By the way, how about a little word game on the site? What about other famous DKs? Such as Dean Koontz, or Dorling Kindersley? (I was going to say Stephen King, until I realised Stephen began with "S").

From Ali  the Footman

Here at the Platinum Club on www.wazir.tv we were concerned about the amount outstanding on David's licence fee.

Mark said that it was £104 but I think it is nearer £99 as the website suggests.

Would it not be possible to start a fund where listeners can donate their £1 for saying 'Good Morning Candyman' to the Kuo kitty.

This would known as 'Quid Pro Kuo'. All the listener has to do when Danny gives them a 'ting' on his machine is to say:

"Quid Pro Kuo Candyman" and Danny will deduct the pound from the tally.

Will that be all Sir?

04/10/04

£99

Today Danny was off sick and I think we all had a jinx morning - none of our recordings worked. As usual I took notes in the car when I'm not sure I have a good recording.

Story 1: David talked about investments this morning - he said that wine had gone up 15% every year for the past 15 years and in order to invest in wine one needed a spade, nose and a dog! David confirmed Bordeaux was a good investment.

Story 2: David relayed the story of a man who invested in a toy car collection, which he subsequently sold and bought a new jaguar.

Story 3: Was the continuing saga of Microsoft see 'Microsoft disputes abuse allegations - as ever'

If you can add more to these stories please email me.

Other stories of the day: Women drivers' cover decision due
Banks warn over online fraud

Listener's feedback: Make of this what you will but ...
DK said a bottle of Ch Latour 1961 has a value of £281 today - in fact it's more like £900+
If anybody has any to sell at £281 I'm a buyer!
Best,
Chris
David, ever better investment than you thought!

01/10/04

£100

Today David apparently put a tie on, perhaps he's realising just how much of a star he's becoming, yesterday 15,000 people looked at this site.

Story 1: Boots said the bad weather was effecting their sunglasses. David claims that Boots got this story from one of his reports. David confirmed that they've closed a number of their services http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/3654556.stm  This story was first reported 14th September. Sorry David due to popular demand another yellow card  .

Story 2:Male flamingo wants to be a mum  David equated this story to how we might have some wooden eggs in our portfolio. David also explained that banks are poaching customers and trying to hatch the accounts.

Danny also withdraw atmosphere privileges because he thinks they've created a Frankenstein and stardom is going to his head.

David told us how we can also save money. He recalled a story where he went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago and negotiated a discount. If you know David's dentist, perhaps we can validate this story.

Listener's feedback:

From Andrew Cordani

Nice website, but I suspect that the BBC should link to the Danny Baker show

VIA your site, after all, Danny's just the warm-up man!!

Regards

From Gary

Just looked at David's article on the Motley Fool for today. Full of interesting stuff which had he shared with Danny's listeners may well have benefited us. But also the article clearly states that David has shares in Vodafone.

Is this man obsessed with blue chip companies?

Thanks

Gary

From Ali the Footman

Here at the Summer Palace of The Grand Invisible Wazir, (all hail His Greatness - and that), we realised that David Kuo's story about the Flamingo and the Wooden Egg was actually a coded message to the more astute investor.

As we all know the Cantonese for 'Wooden Egg' is 'Mok Tan'.

Armed with this knowledge (and several G&Ts) there was a fair bit trading done this afternoon in the city by the Wazir's stockbroker.

Will that be all, Sir?

Gary

From Chris
 

Just a thought but can readers try and piece together David’s share portfolio from comments he has made over the years.  I know he has shares in Shell (See http://www.fool.co.uk/news/marketnews/2004/mn040628c.htm) but what else does he own?  Might make an interesting addendum to the site.

 

Chris
 

From Gerald

Some interesting stuff from David today, although little of deep financial significance. I suspect another yellow card will be forthcoming.

The main thrust of his news was that he negotiated the price of an extra filling at his dentist. This was a revelation to all of us who are always intimidated by the men / women in white coats and drills. This story was an excuse for Danny to air his "dentist's sound effects" CD. However, David seems to be becoming a "bit too big for his boots", and had created a pathetic metaphor between investments and an ostrich trying to hatch a false egg, which was in the news last week. Quite rightly, Danny cut him off and played some music for the final few seconds.

Yellow card please, Colin!

Best regards

Gerald from Goodmayes

 

 

 

 

 

 

David's Blog

Listen to Danny's last show, if you missed it.

David Kuo

Click for more pictures.

David Kuo is still going to be doing his slot and we will continue to keep you updated.

David is now working with Joanne Good.

As well as doing his regular spot on the breakfast show David also writes a daily column for the Motley Fool web site.

BBC London's Breakfast Show Christmas Panto
Listen to David playing a Guss.
 Well panto is the best time of the year and with loud ,unsubtle, over the top performers such as Jo Good and Baylen its inevitable they drag the breakfast show down to their level. Cinderella (Jo says the best panto story due to the youthful age of Cinderella who Jo could still play given the right light) was the production to be heard on Boxing Day.

audio Christmas Panto: Cinderella >
Audio links on this page require Realplayer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

David has admitted to going out late at night and driving his car on the right hand side of the road, in readiness for a driving trip to the USA!
David confessed to having a Bugs Bunny tie, but Mrs Kuo wont let him wear it.

 

Photo Gallery

colin_david_danny.jpg

colin_david_sylvia.jpg

david1.jpg

david_candy_gang.jpg

 

Call or text the studio
Text 
07786 200949
Phone 020 7224 2000

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

www.davidkuo.co.uk
www.eyvibe.com
www.freelondonevents.co.uk
www.greenenergysavingshop.com
www.thefrenchguys.com
www.inklineglobal.co.uk
www.itworks.org.uk
www.joannegood.co.uk
www.makemeashop.com
www.moisturisingantiwrinklecream.com/
www.mp3musicmanager.co.uk
www.pcboostingsoftware.com
www.professionalweddingvideo.com
www.professionalweddingvideo.co.uk
www.strawberryjazz.com
www.strawberryware.com
www.transformeurope.com
www.trienelle.co.uk
www.urigelleryoucanhaveitall.com